Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 50th Anniversary Party!

On Tuesday night, the OGs of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit fame AND the CGs (current gangstas) gathered to celebrate the display of their collective titties in print. 

This year will be the 50th Anniversary of this Celebrated Yearly Issue, which teenage boys & men alike rejoice in receiving with their benign-seeming regular Sports Illustrated subscription. 

The first Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue came out in 1964! and it was awesome:

Babette March was the model. I do not believe that this issue contained photos of her naked in body paint (everyone groan in unison)

Although so many after that did! YAY!

So I thought it would be fun to compare and contrast the images of the beautiful women that have graced the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue in their garb at the Anniversary Party versus in their SI Swimsuit Issue:

Cheryl Tiegs-

 I love her. She's 66. What a beauty.

 I think in her day she really was the embodiment of the *American* girl next door. She just exudes an easy fun grace and energy.

Chrissy Teigen-

She decided to dress like a hooker-acrobat, and you know what... SHE MAKES IT WORK. 

 i think her Sports Illustrated persona is kind of a "I literally don't do anything in my life but lay around on beaches" - and hell, this may actually be true.

Christie Brinkley-

I LOVE this dress. I want it. Plus, it is really not fair that she has the fountain of youth in her backyard apparently and is not sharing it with anyone. What is up with that?

 Ahhh, All hail Queen of the Amazons. We will forever worship at your feet.

Heidi Klum-

What a cheeseball dress. "it's a motorcycle jacket AND a dress!! ermahgerd!" and Wow, way to go with a clashing shoe. Did you not think that ANY OTHER POSSIBLE COLOR SHOE ON THE SPECTRUM WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER? 

 She is the only SI model on record to have worn a one piece suit. Why this is I have no idea. Isn't that against the whole principle of the SI Aesthetic? To show ALL THE SKIN?

Ireland Baldwin-

Yes, she is the daughter of Kim Basinger & Alec Baldwin. Yes, she is 18. Oh my god, I seriously physically shuddered when I saw this photo. I would DIE if my daughter dared to show this much EVERYTHING in public. I don't know exactly why she was at the SI Anniversary, and I was *HOPING* she wasn't in ANY of the issues. Maybe she's going to be in next years? ACK!!!! no no no no no! young ladies, stay young. don't throw yourselves out there!

She's a beauty, and in time of course she'll be famous and everything. She's like 6'1''/6'2'', I love that. holla at my tall laydeez.

 This is what I hope Ireland wears if she ends up on next years SI Swimsuit Cover.

Kate Upton-

She always wears something very covered up for red carpet events and maybe that is to even out the fact that she is near-naked in every photo shoot spread I have ever seen of her. I can respect that, it's the yin and the yang. 

 Why the 15 sizes too small bikini? Is this attractive? *high fives* to her waxer.

Marisa Miller-

I love her. I think she exudes good energy, and I love her dress for the SI Anniversary.

 She is also the winner of the Olympic Gold Medal for World's Best Abdominals.

Petra Nemcova-

Cute fun flirty dress, my Czech sister. You may remember that she had to cling to a tree for 8 hours while she was LITERALLY INSIDE the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami, and her boyfriend was swept away to his death! How awful! Poor honey!

 oh how awkward, she forgot to tie her bottoms on.

Rebecca Romijn-

My friend Dave calls her "Rebecca ROM-GIN" with no hint of irony. LOL. 

Cute dress, I can't be on board with that hair though, sorry. Mine naturally looks like her ends, and I'm not super happy about that. 

 Now tell me if I'm wrong, but doesn't a chain-mail bikini bottom seem REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE?

Last but not least, Tyra Banks-

I heard that minutes before she was supposed to be at this party, Tyra was in a deep slumber. She awoke and didn't even have time to change out of her bedclothes. So she just slapped on her most fabulous wig and heels and DID HER DAMN THING. 

(PS- wasn't tyra supposed to be going natural hair only? just sayin)

 Actually this bikini is really on trend for this year. The polka dots are on fire. THIS IS FROM 1997! Can you believe it!? Wow, the 90s are really back. I was in high school. whoa.